Feature: Where the Wild Things Are
02/01/2008
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In this part of Belize, Guatemalan bandits occasionally cross the border and rob tourists," explains local survival guide Nick Bougas when an escort of heavily armed soldiers suddenly surrounds our little band of Land Rovers. The military contingent—an ominous presence despite its promise of protection—remains with us until we leave the main highway and turn onto an unkempt logging trail called Camp Six Road, where we are left once again to fend for ourselves. "The Royal Air Force also conducts jungle training out here," Bougas nods to the lush green vegetation, "so sometimes you see British troops playing war games."And our rough and tumble expedition into the insect-infested rainforest of western Belize feels like a war game, as we travel from Sacbe to Oxwitza, a pair of equally obscure jungle towns. Like sitting ducks, our procession of Land Rover LR3s and Range Rovers slowly wends through dense undergrowth. It’s not called a rainforest for nothing, looking every bit like the set from Jurassic Park. A drizzle has produced a thick yet slick mud, and the primary challenge is maintaining whatever momentum I can muster to clear the next rolling incline. Every once in a while, my driving instructor (a.k.a. handy backseat driver) urges me to whipsaw the steering wheel back and forth as a method of gaining traction. But mostly, we follow the ruts made by the lead vehicle.
An hour later—and only three miles in—as we trample into the thickest part of the jungle, a shot rings out. Armed bandits spring to mind, but the blast originates from the front left wheel well of my LR3. Almost immediately, an error message lights up the dashboard. As it turns out, a pointy stick—of which the jungle maintains a seemingly endless supply—has punctured the LR3’s trick air bladder suspension, dropping the lofty sport-utility vehicle to rest on its bump stops. Low-riding Land Rovers may be all the rage on city streets, but this concession to urban chic proves impractical off road. So rather than follow our intended course, which would only result in even more rugged terrain, we are forced to turn back. Game over.
For the next seven hours, Land Rover’s team of off-road experts winch the disabled SUV from rock to rock and from tree to tree, which proves to be a slow, laborious method of travel. Occasionally, someone whacks a vine or wayward branch with a machete in order to get a better angle on a tree trunk.
I have time to consider the architectural achievements of the ancient Mayan civilization—namely, the enormous pyramids being unearthed in places like Caracol—which were built by people who tamed the forest to gather giant rocks from around the region. You would have a hard time fitting even one of those carved boulders into the back of a Range Rover. And, even with hill descent control activated, I’ve learned it’s no small feat getting a sport-utility vehicle to cover wet ground. The idea of moving all that raw material without the aid of motorized transport and winches is nearly unfathomable.
Hours pass with almost imperceptible progress, except that ever-expanding sweat stains eventually consume the crews’ entire uniforms, from their khaki-colored mosquito-repellent shirts to their water-resistant cargo pants. The effort to drag a broken vehicle out of the muck is truly something to behold. The day, along with the hobbled LR3, drags on until our convoy finally emerges from the forest at nightfall, and turns back on the highway from whence we had originated earlier in the morning.
Sometimes you conquer the jungle, and sometimes the jungle conquers you.
For those who don’t consider gun-toting bandits, tropical insects and suspension-maiming foliage part of the off-road fun—I might put myself in this category—Land Rover offers the Land Rover Experience Driving School at three locations in the relatively civilized calm of North America. You’re unlikely to encounter anyone more dangerous than a golfer who lost his way, and should the mechanical gods become mischievous, you can rest assured that a five-star resort is only a short walk away.
Land Rover, 800.346.3493, www.landroverusa.com
Land Rover Experience Driving Schools, 800.239.0533, www.landroverusa.com/drivingschools